You must write about the things that you cannot speak about.
You must give yourself a voice,
somehow.
But when you cannot write,
How will you be heard?
You want to be refreshed.
You want cold water running down your throat.
But this water is warm.
It hurts.
Crowds of people gather to hear words for change,
They gather around men.
One that’s gentle,
And kind.
One that’s strong,
But scary,
Both with fire in their eyes.
There are children here.
They don’t understand.
Why they can’t get cold water,
While all the other kids can.
The one’s outside choose to ignore others,
Even when they’re so close they could touch,
They can hear,
But they can’t listen.
They can’t see.
Where is the damage that they’ve done?
Non existent to them.
They can’t see.
They strip us from our innocence,
We can only grow so tall,
Before we’re tired,
We’re hurt,
And we just want cold water.
I enjoyed how descriptive each one of your stanzas were. For example both with fire in their eyes. With the poem being descriptive it would put and image in my head and i could imagine what you were writing about and understand what you were writing about as well. But I struggled following the reading as they were not lined but overall I enjoyed reading your poem.
ReplyDeleteJessica, this post is one of my favorites because of the structure, or rather lack thereof. Every placement of every word was intentional and specific to what you were trying to say. The poem had obvious parallels with the picture as well, which made it more meaningful and understandable. Insightful, creative, and purposed, this poem was an intriguing read.Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteOmigoodness I love this poem! It connects to the picture on a different level that I didn't see when I first looked at it. The formatting that you chose for your poem is so obscure, powerful!
ReplyDeleteThe tone of this poem is very deliberate, and the formatting of your work agrees with the mood. It is very well constructed and the rejection of syntax aligns with the emotional variety and power of what you have written. I felt as though the stark differences between parts of lines (formatting wise) stand to juxtapose reality and wishful thinking. There is an intrinsic desire in this poem that keeps the reader interested.
ReplyDeleteThis poem actually gave me chills, it was so well written. I loved all the imagery and you really took me through this experience with your words. Your format was also very effective especially when you go back and forth between opposites; the staggering really made it look like there was two separate situations and experiences.
ReplyDeleteI loved that your use of imagery and vocabulary really set the right tone and it was all so descriptive that I actually craved cold water. The way you wrote it from a person of color's point of view I feel really helped the reader understand and your deeper elaborations made me empathize.
ReplyDeleteWhen glancing at the poem, the first thing that pooped out was the way that your poem was structured. I really liked how you strayed from the original structure of many poems and placed your lanes in a random, yet not random way. Your poem is not just about what is exactly in the poem, but more. The background. Your vocabulary use is incredible. Your poem allows us to get a feeling of what "they" feel by the way you use descriptive words. Your interpretation of the image is amazing and something that I did not get when I looked at it. This poem is by far one of my favorites. Great job.
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